Uprooting: The Route to Rooted

Happy New Year! I am sitting at my temporary kitchen table in Rome, Italy and it has been 2019 for approximately 13 hours. It is time to both literally and metaphorically close the book(s) on 2018. I've been keeping a daily journal since I began my international travels at the end of September and I just had the satisfying experience of filling the last page it.

My word for 2018 was "rooted"--I wanted to feel more centered, grounded, and connected to myself in everything I did. This year, I effectively uprooted myself from my life, routines, and comforts in New York and have planted myself in various homes throughout the world. I didn't realize how closely this practice linked to my 2018 intention, but it has been teaching me exactly the lesson I needed to learn: how to be at home in myself no matter where I am or whom I am with. I feel like I have so many people around the world rooting for me! (Last "rooting" wordplay I promise.)

Look at all of these people and places who have made me feel at home in their homes!

I have received so much love and generosity for which I don't know how to properly express gratitude. The best I can do right now is try to receive these gifts graciously and attempt to integrate these experiences into my life, let the love transform me. I am continually learning from every person and place I encounter; how to go within and hold space for myself while still holding space for others; trusting that this quiet, centered place is always available to me; and trusting that being my true self and expressing myself honestly (even when I'm afraid it will be disappointing or messy) is the best way to relate to others because giving myself permission to be me gives others implicit permission to be themselves too. And also, life doesn't have to be so introspective and serious! The more I forget about myself and focus on others, the happier I feel.

As I close the books on 2018, I'm opening the books on 2019! My word for this year is "curiosity." I want to engage with myself and the world in a deeply playful, open, curious way. A new friend (good friend), Justina shared a poem with me when I was staying with her in Amsterdam. She also shared with me something she's learning, which is that poems are meant to be spoken aloud, shared with others, given like a gift. These words felt like a gift to me and resonated deeply with the way I want to relate to my outer and inner life. In the spirit of gift-giving, I want to share this poem with you as well:

The Seed Cracked Open

It used to be

That when I would wake in the morning

I could with confidence say,

"What am 'I' going to

Do?"

That was before the seed

Cracked open.

Now Hafiz is certain:

There are two of us housed

In this body

Doing the shopping together in the market and

Tickling each other

While fixing the evening's food.

Now when I awake

All the internal instruments play the same music:

"God, what love-mischief can 'We' do

For the world

Today?"

- Hafiz

Thank you for being part of my life in whatever way you are. One intention I have in "cracking open" in curiosity this year is to share more of myself and invite others to do the same. Maybe the comments on this blog post can be a place to start that! What word do you want to guide your year?

The LAST PAGE of 2018!