"I've Let Myself Go"

I feel sad when I hear people say “I let myself go,” like it’s a bad thing.

To me, letting myself go means letting myself free. It means unbuttoning my top button and letting my belly hang out, buying comfy clothes, throwing away my scale, painting on the walls.

Letting myself go means letting go of all the rules I’m abiding by that aren’t really me. It means ordering a burrito when I want a burrito, talking to that stranger I’m attracted to, dancing on the fire escape, deleting my diet apps.

Letting myself go means letting myself stop taking who I think I am so seriously. It means throwing away my aspirational skinny clothes, taking a ceramics class, buying a ukulele.

Letting myself go means letting myself come back home. It means buttering my toast, singing in the shower, taking a solo-trip, venturing forth into the unknown as my own trusted companion.