Gratitude in Real Time: Traveling Reflections in Ireland
“You’ll have moments during your travels that will stand out, and later you’ll look back and realize they were significant. You don’t need to worry about doing anything about them now, just notice them. Notice how you feel and move on.” a
Chrissie said that to me upon witnessing my having that exact kind of moment with her sitting in The Hunloke Arms pub in the middle of the English countryside. I had met her the day before at Emily’s home, who I serendipitously found by searching for “artist” on the workaway.info website. Within minutes of sending her a request, we were chatting excitedly about our love for Elizabeth Gilbert, Brené Brown, and healing our lives through vulnerability and creative unblocking. I arrived on Wednesday afternoon wearing all red, and Emily greeted me in all yellow, as she offered me half of her lipstick-stained coffee cup “So we have a week! There will be no cleaning—let’s just have fun!” And with that, my WorkAway experience became a PlayAway one—where we recorded a million (five) podcast episodes, painted a whimsical tree (pictured below and available for purchase—message me!), and taught improv games to her incredibly creative, kind, funny sons aged 10 and 12. I felt immediately part of this cozy, happy family as the four of us sat on the living room floor playing Bananagrams with Eva the labradoodle and Manuka keeping us company close by.
Our “fun” included some processing of trauma (Pop Quiz: Can you fully experience joy without also fully experiencing pain? Brené Brown’s answer: NO!), which I won’t get into in detail because it’s not my trauma to talk about. However, I was lucky enough to be folded into the folds of someone else’s life to witness and walk beside them through a dark time. I sometimes joke about how people love crying with me. It’s really a great honor anytime someone feels comfortable sharing a hidden or raw part of themselves with me. It’s my mission in life to help people feel less alone. I have spent years feeling like I need to hide the dark parts of myself and my life, which has been the source of most of my pain. To be able to alleviate even a tiny scrap of that feeling in someone else just by hearing them is an honor and a gift. I would never complain about it. Even now I want to go in and edit parts of my standup set about this. It’s not something I want to avoid, it’s the most meaningful work I could be doing. And on this year of travel, it’s most of the work I’ve been doing. Simply being with people and doing my best to see them for who they are and love them. Wow, this paragraph sounds preachy. It’s important for me to have written it though because it’s what I believe and truly what I’m doing. Patrick Marti suggested “have a theme for your travels,” and I’ve been asking myself what my theme is. Is it doing standup throughout my travels (I’ve done 5 shows in 2 countries so far!)? Is it creative unblocking through my podcast (I’ve recorded 12 episodes and posted 3)? Will it be the silly cartoons I draw in my notebook and for some reason haven’t been sharing because maybe they’ll be part of a travel book I write someday? Is it food (because what isn’t about food?!)?
During my week with Emily, we also took a stab at what my theme could be—“You’re traveling the world! Let’s help you come up with a project you could do in all of the countries you visit—like maybe you do a silly documentary series where you go around interviewing locals and experiencing the culture of different places!” We started filming one such documentary of me “looking for love” in Chesterfield, as I whipped out Bumble on my phone and invited all of the eligible bachelors from the village to the local pub to record a podcast. This experiment resulted in a small queue forming. As I spoke to a trembling, terrified bloke named Michael (whom I really should have prepped more before thrusting a microphone into his face), Emily served as my warm-up act (my fluffer, if you will), speaking with a French transplant Thomas who showed up to find that there was a waiting list for the date he was going on. Once the recording equipment was put away, we all relaxed and had fun (I was probably the only one having fun the entire time). We learned I was the first American Michael had met! We learned Thomas had studied to become a Master Baker for 8 years in France (more than enough time to become a doctor) and now travels teaching the rest of the world how to properly bake croissants and baguettes (a traveling bread doctor)! With all of this bread talk, we couldn’t help ordering two giant garlic flatbreads for the table, and soon Soréle and Chrissie responded to an open Facebook call from Emily and came to hang out with us as well.
Oops I forgot to talk about Chrissie! I had met Chrissie the day before at Emily’s house. She knew Emily had had a rough week following a rough several months. Emily had asked her to come and be part of our “Showing Up Messy” podcast recording about how creativity links to processing trauma. (I was nervous about this because I didn’t know Chrissie at all! And I only have 2 microphones! And…and!) Chrissie showed up with a giant hug and Tesco bag containing a chocolate bar and all of the fixings needed to make butternut squash soup. Being in her presence made me feel immediately at peace. I was struck by her truly selfless love. She stood in the kitchen cooking soup for us. She told me she had been reflecting on the podcast topic and had just attended a conference at Cambridge University about transgender awareness, where a playwright spoke about having put up a play about their story in Brazil, one of the most transphobic nations in the world. The local people protested and threatened them on opening night, making it impossible to enter the theater space they were supposed to perform in. A church down the road offered their space up instead, and the play ran there for two years. Chrissie spoke about her own experience of being transgender, and how the process of coming out as transgender is traumatic in and of itself—how her existence is an act of violence against some people. I could say more, but I’ll let you listen to her story yourself on the podcast (which I will eventually post and link to right here). She asked if I could pull up the story “The Ragman” on my computer for her to read to Emily. Before we recorded our podcast, she asked if she could wash Emily’s feet. Both Emily and I were weeping before we even began. Afterwards, we admitted we both love talking about vulnerability, but when it comes to actually being vulnerable, we struggle. I suppose that’s why we’re drawn to learning and sharing about this topic, because it’s the thing we ourselves need to learn the most. The podcast episode with Chrissie wasn’t just about talking about trauma and creativity, it was an experience of moving and healing through trauma in real time.
Fast forward to us sitting in the pub the next night over our garlic flatbreads. Thomas had left to go to la piscine and we were sitting around talking with Michael who had just blown all of our socks off when he came out with a story of his first spiritual experience and becoming a Christian. We whipped out the recording materials again when Chrissie offered to share her story of finding God (again, I’ll link it here so you can listen to her tell it beautifully and articulately). I was incredibly moved by her story. She used to be a pastor in the Christian church, and now has a faith that is more personal, but also which she extends in every interaction she has. I could feel love radiating from her being in every moment. This was one of those moments that stuck with me because of my own tangled up religious background and current spiritual beliefs. I expressed this to her, and she said the most comforting words I’d heard on my journey, “It doesn’t matter what you believe, God’s love shines through you.”
I’m sharing this because I’ve been wanting to share so much about my experience as I’ve been living it—the ups and downs and silly things and scary things. All the while trying to figure out what my “theme” could possibly be. When Emily and I reflected on this intentionally silly day—making our Chesterfield documentary with the assistance of Bumble and the local pub—we realized it might not be possible for us to simply have a light, fun meaningless day. “Maybe your trip is just meant to be about genuine connections,” Emily said. And if that’s what it gets to be about, sign me up for 10 more months.