Carpe Diem: It's Time to Use the Fancy Stemware

Happy New Year! I am waking up in my childhood bedroom--the place that has remained my home-home while I've been accruing a plethora of side-homes all over the world. I wonder if I would feel so safe and secure bopping around the planet if I didn't have such a solid base of support from my family, knowing in my bones I can always come back here to open arms, a warm bed, and a closet full of memories, journals, and "stuff." Writing this, I'm reminded that even this "life-long" home is temporary, and though I've moved away from it in some ways, I have always had an anchor here. I am grateful. Growing up in a loving home has made me feel free to explore and dock my boat in new harbors, knowing I can always come back.

When I drift into patterns of unconsciousness, this sense of safety and having a backup home whenever I need it can keep me from playing big, living "for real." It's the same as hoarding a bunch of money in my checking account and never spending it or not writing a book because I know all of my words are sitting in a document on my computer and they "just need to be organized." The "save it for later," mentality has followed me my entire life--as if I will one day wake up enlightened enough to know how to use all of my nice things.

Last February in Thailand, I found myself in the middle (corner) of a spiritual love triangle at an Ecstatic Dance Festival (the two pick-up lines that worked on me where: "I really want to eye gaze with you" and "I don't really know what you're talking about...but your energy is like...whoa"). In a moment of clarity amidst my indecisive Bachelor In Paradise-esque fog, I scribbled down the following in my journal:

"What good are hearts when we’re too afraid to break them? It’s like Aunt Donna’s nice China glassware that she kept in the cabinet to save for special occasions that were destroyed unused when her home burned down in a fire. Our gifts are meant to be enjoyed. Use the nice glasses, write in the pretty, expensive hardcover journal, eat the yummiest part of your dinner first. When someone sees and loves you for who you really are, don’t shy away from it, pretending to be somebody else. Accept the love and give it away freely. You think you’ll have a better idea of what you need and want later, but you know now, in this moment. Your body knows. Simply listen and do the next right action."

2019 was the year of using my nice glasses, letting this be real life, right now, in real time. My love isn’t meant to be kept in a china cabinet. I don’t have to wait to find some singular “right person” to love deeply or the “perfect career” to live fully. Simply being alive is my (our) permission to show up fully and honestly in the world.

Here's to using even more of our special stemware in 2020!